I learn things from my kids constantly. Most of their knowledge comes from Snapple caps.
Here’s what I don’t understand about rioting. If you’re going to destroy a city for no reason, why destroy your own city? Move one city over.
Power outages are like being grounded by God. You can’t do anything fun.
I miss the days when Halloween was a simple holiday about making ritual sacrifices to evil spirits to ensure a plentiful harvest.
How can you ever be late for anything in London? They have a huge clock right in the middle of the town.
Valentine's Day is weird. A nude flying baby that shoots arrows isn't a holiday. It's a horror movie.
Of course Santa is dead, you force a guy to eat a billion cookies in one night, what do you think is going to happen?