Jimmy Kimmel's Words of Wisdom To Inspire You

I learn things from my kids constantly. Most of their knowledge comes from Snapple caps.

Jimmy Kimmel

Here’s what I don’t understand about rioting. If you’re going to destroy a city for no reason, why destroy your own city? Move one city over.

Jimmy Kimmel

Power outages are like being grounded by God. You can’t do anything fun.

Jimmy Kimmel

I miss the days when Halloween was a simple holiday about making ritual sacrifices to evil spirits to ensure a plentiful harvest.

Jimmy Kimmel

How can you ever be late for anything in London? They have a huge clock right in the middle of the town.

Jimmy Kimmel

Valentine's Day is weird. A nude flying baby that shoots arrows isn't a holiday. It's a horror movie.

Jimmy Kimmel

Of course Santa is dead, you force a guy to eat a billion cookies in one night, what do you think is going to happen?

Jimmy Kimmel

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