I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.
If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.